Rages
by Impersonating-an-entity
Summary: rated for violence. My thoughts on how Touya's life might progress considering the history I have for him, and also a bit of Jin's take on it too.


Disclaimer: not mine.

Just a little thing about what I figure Touya must go through considering the past I've drawn up for him, as well as Jins' thoughts on it.

* * *

Touya stared at his reflection in the water, feeling his anger mounting quickly. He knew he couldn't hold it much longer, that's why he'd gotten away from the other Shinobi – far away, deep in the forest.

A feral growl began in his throat, escalating into a rageful scream as he looked hatefully at the image he saw in the water. He froze and shattered it, trying to destroy himself without actually doing so. He stood and whirled in a fluid motion, charging at the first thing he saw – an innocent oak tree – and froze it with a sputtered word, shattering it as the water.

He called the shards of ice to himself, growling at them like an animal. The shards quivered in the air around him, eager to do his whims and get back the quiet Touya they knew and respected. He would struggle to get his clothes off then tear at his own skin, rend himself to ribbons, with both his nails and the shards. As he did this, his voice would crescendo into further screams, shrieks, wordless pleas and unintelligible threats.

These rages were a part of Touya that he could no longer deny. The quiet, shy nature he'd been endowed with meant that, over time, everything stacked up as he bore it in silence, until something happened and he exploded. What he'd been through, his vicious training, only intensified the feelings he gathered over time – every little slight was multiplied a hundred fold as time passed.

It was all the little things that he brushed off usually, that he refused to let annoy him, that he said were just fine, that drove him insane like this.

He fell to his knees, and for a while, he just screamed – pouring out the anger that had filled him, the resentment, bleeding away the hurt of past injustices long since done. The ice surrounded him, waiting for another command, which never actually came.

Because, once the rage was out of him, he would just slump to the ground for a while, silent, crying softly, desperately wishing it was different – that these rages didn't come upon him, that he wasn't so cold, that he wasn't an ice master, and, shockingly often, that he'd never even existed. The ice shards would fall, at first one by one, and then a few at a time, until they littered the ground.

Touya would stay there a little longer, than drag himself off the ground, wash up, clean and heal the inevitable, often many, cuts and bruises (though scars and faint signs often remained – faint, but present), and would head back to camp, where everyone would continue as though nothing had happened. Even though Touya was usually gone a week, and returned quieter than before (though that wore off eventually) and cut up all over. The only good thing about the rages was that they did not come too often: once every half-decade to a decade, for the most part.

But the stress was intolerable. Touya wished he had someone to talk to, someone who would listen and not think less of him. But that couldn't be. He didn't like Reisho, nor did he trust the earth-master enough to spill such secrets of his soul. Bakken was too great a fool, and not worth considering. Gama was dead. And Jin… Jin was great. He was also the only person Touya considered a friend. Touya was not yet willing to confide in him, for fear that Jin would think differently of him, and something would be ruined. Besides, Jin always did the talking. Touya wouldn't interrupt, and Jin just… didn't stop. It was soothing to listen to him, and it helped off set the rages… but, inevitably, they would come, and Touya was too worried that something would be broken.

* * *

Jin wished Touya would tell him what was wrong. He worried about his friend, especially when he said he had to go out in the woods. He tried to get far away so he wouldn't bother anyone, but Jin could always hear his screams, maybe the others couldn't, but Jin's ears were… unusual to say the least. He could hear with frightening clarity, and what he heard scared him.

He heard uncharacteristic anger, and just beneath that, a piercing anguish. Maybe Touya didn't notice because when he came back, he was bottled up in himself. Maybe the others didn't notice because they were so relieved. But Jin got much quieter in that week Touya was gone, and stayed that way almost as long as Touya stayed extra-quiet.

It was painful, to look at Touya and know the emotions that he tore himself up over. It was especially hard to see him right before one of his… episodes. Jin could normally tell when Touya was about to go again – he got steadily more restless, more easily annoyed, and asked to be left alone more often. He would get snappy, and sometimes sarcastic. Then, it wasn't long before he'd flee into the trees and let out his pains.

Jin wished he knew what was bothering Touya. He had hints of it, ideas about his past stolen from when Touya talked in his sleep (it was rare now, but when he first joined the Shinobi and was an animal, he talked frequently, almost nightly). The nightmares were painful to listen to, and these rages… Jin hoped Touya would confide in him soon. Otherwise, he was just going to have to ask Touya. He knew Touya would be uncomfortable with that, but if it was the only way… then it was the only way.


End file.
